Well reading Revelation while also undergoing spiritual battles and battles with pain and then election battles has just put me back into my warrrior mode. It’s all being channelled through my feelings about the British election, which technically I really shouldn’t care all that much about.

Yet I find myself being outraged and upset about things that I should just be able to walk away from (although to be fair of course I am a recovering political junkie, never more than one poll away from being tempted away from my loves to the unreal world of spin and media… good thing really that the BBC coverage was so rubbish or the forbidden fruit may have been even more tempting)

Anyway, here I am coloring even my bible reading with my political anger – except I think it is just anger in general at the unfairness of life and how out of kilter everything is, with no clear way to set it right. Anger that mankind is not equipped to make it right.

It’s hard knowing all the battles are going on – elsewhere. Why was I made like this, such a battle-hungry believer? How am I meant to reconcile my talent of putting the boots on and waging wars of words with my belief in Christ’s way, which is about rejecting words and submissively following. Am I meant to chafe through my life, always biting back from the battle – or is that hiding my light under a bushel? I know I must be kind and humble and patient and moderate to follow in my Lord’s footsteps, and I place all my ambition before him, but am I also meant to use my talents in battle for Him? If so, how?

Or is this all just a way of me safely (and wierdly, it’s true) playing out the sadness that I am having difficulty facing? I think really it’s more than that. I need to know if I am meant to have more direction than mothering, if that is what God plans for me.

Separate note: One of the things I’ve found confusing about today’s chapters is that the commentary I am reading on Revelation says the incident with the Woman and the Dragon is about Christ’s time on earth – yet right from the start of the Revelation the Lamb, Christ, has already been sacrificed for our sins – so that is not in order.

John is prophesying – so why is he prophesying the gospel – which had already happened. Surely there is another explanation!

Dear Father God, You are amazing and I love You. I wish I knew You better so I could know You more and love You more. Please light my path for me. Show me where I am veering off course ¬†and put me back on Your path. Please forgive me my sins and thank You for my family. I love You so much. Help me to love You and trust You more. In Jesus’ name, Amen.